Here is the first of my short stories, to be published on my blog, please enjoy. I would also very much like feedback this is easy to do. At the end of my story or blog page is the click on "Comment" this will take you to a comment space which can be posted easily by clicking on "Anonymous" as a prefered option. It would always be nice to know who you are and which country you are from or any other information.  Here are some suggestions for comments ranging from "This is crap"" kept me interested"" Predictable" to" I actually enjoyed it!" or what ever you feel is appropriate, in this I thank you. "Oh yes, sorry no photos this time, only your imagination! Just like a Kindle!"

                              

                                 The Christmas Story.

                                    By M. J. London.
Chapter 1

“I do not want to be in hospital!” argued the frustrated David Stone with his daughter.
“Dad you must, you’re coughing up blood, they need to do tests to  to observe you and find out why?” the overwrought daughter replied as she steered him back to his bed.

“I know what this is all about!" he starts coughing wipes his rheumy eyes then carries on berating his daughter "Its bloody Christmas and you want me to stay here so I'm no burden that’s all you wan'a to be sure of!” He then starts coughing again, this time holding his sides in pain.

Carla sighed “Oh dad please don’t say that, for a start you said you hate family Christmas, and even though we ask you every year, you have only been up to us twice,” She paused as he sat on the end of his bed,
“Plus it’s the doctors who have insisted you stay in, its nothing to do with us at all.”

“Yes, damn bloody doctors what do they know, specially at their age, too young to have any experience or understanding of my illness, shouldn't be allowed to practise on people. They should learn on animals, or even foreigners for that matter.” he screwed his face up in distaste. “ Add to that he can’t even talk our bloody language proper!”

“DAD,” said Carla looking all around “Shoosh, you can’t say such things, quite apart from the fact that he’s a specialist in lung disorders.”

Why she looked around she did not know, as the ward was empty, it had, had eight other patients earlier in the week but they all had all been discharged for Christmas. As Mr Stone had only been brought in two days ago he had not been deemed fit to go home, so it was he would spend Yuletide ensconced in hospital.

Carla was secretly more than thankful that Christmas would not be ruined by either tantrums or mad hospital dashes. That would have taken place on a wintery afternoon, just as lunch was being served. As had happened a previous time he stayed with them, and that had been on Boxing Day two years ago. That heart attack turned out to be severe indigestion in the end.

She looked lovingly at the cantankerous old man in front of her, only in his early seventies and thinking, “Oh dad when did this all begin?” She remembered, how in her teenage years when he was only in his forties, even then he behaved as though he had the mindset of an eighty year old.

 “I can bloody well say the truth, if nothing else its MY own country after all!” he growled.
Carla stared out of the window.
“Looks like we may get snow dad.” she utters with a sigh, trying to move the subject away from her dad’s favourite moans.

From behind them they could hear a commotion getting nearer, some laughter but mainly protestations from someone. The body of a tired looking, agitated young man, was pushed in a wheelchair through the double doors by a large, smiling, male orderly. The orderly was of African origins and talked in a snappy clipped Africana dialect.

“No, ma doing Sirrr,” he strung out the word sir “Why look you got company,” he added as he spied Carla and David.

“But I was happy where I was, I don’t give a fiddlers elbow about staff shortages, get them to take me Back!” Demanded the man in the wheelchair.

A nurse and doctor followed, with the nurse making soothing noises in an appeal to the young man “Now you know very well that the flu had laid down a number a of our staff, it’s too late to arrange extra cover over the holidays, please bare with us.” She pleaded.

The young man was helped into the bed next to David. David was still huffing and puffing and scouring at no one in particular, nor being acknowledged by any one in particular, least of all Carla who was gathering her things up to go.

“Now look dad you have company it won’t be so bad,” Carla said patting her dads arm “I’ll be back in a day or so, the day after Boxing-day in-fact, but I will phone on Christmas morning,” She paused holding up Marks a Spencer’s bag “Oh yes that reminds me I’ll leave a couple of presents for you in your locker.”

“Don’t bloody hurt yourself, leave it until Easter if you want I am only your DAD after-all,” David spluttered out-loud in a mock angered and hurt voice. For he was secretly content not to have to put up with his grand-children.
A couple of hours would be fine, but two or three days that would have been purgatory, with noise and constant laughter, all the chattering, the jolliness!
Let alone, Carla’s so annoyingly perfect husband, with his P.C. nonsense. You can’t get a descent argument out of the man!

He then added as a last dig, “Bet its bloody socks again, I do wear other things!” Snapping his mouth shut he stared at the ceiling.

Carla looked as though she were about to burst into tears, as all the faces turned from the goings on with the new man, towards Mr. Stone’s outburst.
David bristled with glee at both his daughters discomfort, as well as getting nearly everyone’s attention, baring that of the new patient that is.

Carla tried to ignore the critical stares, she kissed her father on the forehead straightened his blanket the turned on her heals. Leaving all and sundry behind.
Thinking “Dam him, I am going to have a great Christmas this year, he's in safe hands and I'm not going to have to be the buffer zone for everyone this time.”


The new member on the ward had reluctantly accepted his bed move and now sat sulking, looking up at the ceiling as the nurse did her best to make him comfortable, adjusting his saline drip and other nurse type duties.
As she did she made, unresponsive, small talk to both patients who were now under her care.
While inside her head she thought“ Oh bloody hell, trust me to pull the short straw, in not only working the holidays, but also with these two miserable sods.”

“Right you two, don’t go getting up to mischief and buzz if you require anything.” She told them as she flashed them a smile.

Which was not returned. The nurse turned on her sensible heels marching out of the ward, to her paper work at her nurses station, sighing as she went.

Silence filled the space of the departing nurses foot steps, that is apart from the whirring, ticking, clicking, electronically sounds that fills most hospital wards everywhere now-days.

David, not someone at ease with silence! he started a wheezing huffing sound that exited from his pursed lips. Not quite a whistle, just the sort of beginning of one, but never quite becoming one. He looked around the ward allowing his eyes to briefly take in the prone figure beside him but moving his glance on rapidly rather than get caught staring.

He let his eyes come to rest on his own feet which he waggled from side to side making a tent shape shift up and down, thus causing a slight squeak of the bed. All of which David thought was good cover for overriding the occasional wind he was passing. He heard a shift in the bed next to him so slid his eyes in that direction the boy had turned slightly on his side offering David his back.
“Right that’s good" David thought, "We can both keep our own council just what I want.”


“Oh shit, bloody hospital over Christmas, now not even spent with that saucy, pretty Irish nurse down stairs,” thought Tony “Instead this old fart, I swear I have only been here ten minuets and he is driving me nuts already.”
Irritably Tony turned on his right side, even though it hurt more on this side, it was away from the old man, as he just wanted to shut the old geezer out of his life.

David started coughing, at first to clear tickle but it soon became a raging firestorm of a hacking cough hurting and burning David’s lungs as he did. He grabbed at a fistful of paper hankies heaving into them. Hardly any thing, phlegm mixed with the merest of blood droplets, but never the less still blood. David stared down at what he had produced,
“Huu not worth all that energy.” He reflected.

“What the hell is that,” Tony half turned to watch the withered body next door shaking as it released its bodies-fluids into his hankie “Oh disgusting, I’ll go home with worse than I came in with!" his thoughts paused, then continued, "If only that were possible,” he lamented to himself.

He lay there observing the other empty beds wondering who had been in them, who had died or got better.
He had long ago raged about his illness blaming everyone, even eventually, including himself at his downfall.
From being, a shooting star in the stock exchange to a weakened body in hospital. He had long ago burnt out, or so he thought he had the, “Why me?” attitude.
But he still cursed his situation, even blamed God, of whom he had never even acknowledged may exist.

He most certainly blamed his own existence for causing him pain, why was he ever born?

The whole universe, and the nature of life took a hounding when he lay sleepless at nights, especially at four am, which was when he expected to die. For he had given up, even if others had not, it was his life and now soon to be his death. They may make him move rooms, but they could not make a decision when he would die. That was his privilege and his alone. With this thought he drifted to sleep.

Chapter 2

“Ah supper time and what culinary delights do we have tonight?” David paused then added to the ancillary staff lady, “let me guess, not steak, I’ll stake all my pension on it, not game or turkey roast, not fine fillet of salmon." he paused hoping his sarcasm would find its mark,
"Let me suggest more like watery potatoes, a limp lump of something pertaining to be ham and bullet peas.” None of this was  said with any humour but only with an antagonising sarcastic air.

But Maud was not one to be phased easily by either rudeness or mockery. “Right Mr Stone your order is potatoes, carrots, gammon- ham and gravy,”

“No, no, no gravy, I hate gravy,” interrupted David.

“Alright no gravy, broccoli, followed by spotty dick and custard for sweet. Now tomorrow we will have a fine Christmas dinner, won’t that be nice?”

“Oh bloody hell, such a surprise Christmas dinner at Christmas!” David pulled his dinner towards him without so much as a thank you or a nicety of any sort. 

“And for Mr Tony Trade the delights of curry, no pappadom I’m afraid luv and only white rice, sorry no brown, like you asked for!” Maud said turning towards Tony.

Tony tuned to face Maud, as he sat up the involuntary fleeting signs of pain went slipping across his face.

“That’s okay don’t have much appetite anyway but ta all the same, Thank You” He added making sure he emphasised the Thank you,” but it fell on deaf ears of Mr Stone, but Maud gave a smile in acknowledgment at his attempt to correct the old mans rudeness.

Maud took it all in her stride as she did most of life, she left with a parting, “See you later luv’s with a nice cup of tea or chocolate.”


David was grumbling under his breath,
“Bloody smell, sodding curry shouldn’t be allowed in public places!”

“Well I like curry’s, only descent thing given us by them bloody Pakis” Tony said through a mouth-full of his food “And if you cant stand the smell get them to move your bed, as your smell offends me equally.”

He took two more fork-full of food, then pushed his plate to one-side, he swallowed a glass of water then eased back, rubbing his aching side. He had woken in a foul mood, even darker than the shadow that lurked within his body.

“How dare you talk to me like that why I-I-I won’t stand for it,” Blustered David

“You started it, I was happy ignoring you, but no you have to say some-bloody-thing to annoy me.” Answered Tony.

David reached for his buzzer holding his finger down until the nurse turned up.

“Enough, enough, what is the panic, what’s wrong Mr Stone?”

“Him, him there, that whippersnapper insulted me,” David thrust his arm and accusing finger at Tony who had turned his back on him yet again.

“Now I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. Come on you two its almost Christmas.”

“I did mean it! He keeps farting and then he moans about my choice of food and its the smell. When I have to put up with his wind all the time?” asserted Tony.

“Perhaps I should get you a kite Mr Stone?" Quipped the nurse, trying to smooth the whole thing over with humour. Which  she did not manage to do as she was unable to raise a smile from either of her patients. Be it through lack of under-standing or lack of funny-bone she was not sure, which ever she let it drop all the same.

“Now young man if Mr Stone does have an excess of flatulence it really is not up to you to comment on it.”

“Bu, but I don’t, I haven’t passed wind for ages!” pleaded David “And even if I had he has no right to comment on it, no right what so ever.”

The nurse knowing this was going nowhere tried to change the subject, “Would you not like the T.V. on”
“NO.”
“NO.”
Was the emphatic reply in unison from both men, leaving each wishing they had said yes just to annoy the other.

David finished his food, picked up his newspaper, that had been left by his daughter. He shuffled it around, more than he needed, just to create as much noise as possible, then began reading. In-so doing, he now made a huffy puffy noises at articles he did not agree with, followed by grunts of approval at what he did. As this was the Daily Mail, grunts were his favourite mode of sound.

Tony had smiled to himself that he had wound up the old git up about his farts, but now grimaced both with pain and annoyance of the old geezers interminable sound track of noises, that was being uttered from those thin, mean, lips.

He lay wondering, if a pillow smothering in the night would be acceptable to everyone, especially from his poor daughter, and the nurse. After all, he himself, had nothing to loose, he himself was already on a death sentence and surly it would be considered a mercy killing, to do for the old git. Mercy, for the rest of the world that is.

It then occurred to Tony that a match lit under his fellow patient blanket, would solve both of their problems, blowing them both to kingdom-come.
“Oh god no, he could not arrive at the same time to spend eternity with that mean old man, now that would be hell!” Tony imagined.

“Then again maybe that’s what I deserve?” Tony; s inner voice questioned.
His another voice chipped in, “No, no its not, I deserve better. I deserve to live long and happily spending my money. Money I had earned through fair means and foul, but I earned it and no one else. No one ever gave me anything for nothing, not my parents, not my teachers, not the world!”

Tony felt he was bitter, about all his twenty-eight years on earth, that had lead, eventually, to this hospital bed.
“No that was a lie.” He again corrected his inner-self, he had been bitter since he was eight, it was the last twenty that riled and fumed him.

In these years he had become steadily full of anger. Deep down Tony knew why? But had never ever told anyone, instead he worked hard, gained exams, gained his degrees, but never gained friends or love.

Why was this? Because Tony had a belief that everyone was always after something, there was always a hook, or an angle of some sort. Others were out for themselves they would feed off you, if you allowed it.
So be it, that is the way of the world, then that is how he Tony was also. He looked after number one. He needed nobody else.

Thankfully his remaining parent lived in the midlands too old to travel as well as not having much mind left either to do so. At least according to his sister, the last time he received a letter from her. So no one to come down to London, to seek or give solace.

As for his sister they had not spoken for twelve years or more now, another person he did not need. They could come to bury him and try to gain access to his money, which would be fine enough as far as he was concerned, with that he drifted into a disturbed sleep.

Chapter 3

“Snoring, Ha! All right for him, sleeping away his life, like all youngsters bloody lazy not like in my day. Wars to be fought, Hun’s to be defeated, blacks to be taught their place, Irish to be crushed.”
David reflected, not that he had he been in the forces or did any fighting, but he still he had known many who had to face these battles.

It was up to him to see they had the weapons to carry out his beliefs and wishes. It was his job, as an accountant at the war office, to see that finance was available nothing dried up. That funding was all ways there to be had, to purchase the arms.

As a life long Civil Servant he felt he had done his duty to Crown and Country and For What?
Why, to hand it over to bloody Eastern Europeans taking all the remaining jobs, to the Chinese taking the manufacturing base, to rich Arab purchasing and owning all the property and land.

While the damn, young British, slept away their lives or went on the dole. He felt he wanted to get up and shake the sleeping idiot next to him, or ram his paper down the lads throat.


David had read and reread his newspaper he was getting bored with the same articles. He felt the build up of wind wincing at the pain he lifted his buttocks letting rip and thinking,
“If I’m going to get blamed for flatulence, then I might as well enjoy it,” he wafted the air from under his blankets in the direction of his companion in the next bed, saying louder than a whisper.

“Enjoy that.”

“Enjoy what?” asked Maud who had stepped silently into the ward to collect their dirty plates.

“Mind your own damn business woman.” replied David having been caught off guard and feeling embarrassed.

Maud tight lipped herself, refusing to be rude back, at times silence was best way to deal with old cantankerous patience. She collected the plates loading them onto her trolley, she momentarily lingered at Tony’s side observing the young man,
“Why is it at sleep we regain our innocence, at least in appearance we do?” she pondered.

Tony sensing someone near fluttered his eyes open, then partly sitting up with a start and a grimace as again, pain, shot along his side.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Sorry luv, nothing I was just collecting the plates and stuff.”
 After gathering herself up, she offered,
“I have a son about your age, lives up in Scotland, hardly ever sees him, but he does phone, least now and then he does.” She stood wistfully looking out of the window at the bare stark trees that line the driveway to the hospital.

Letting go a long sigh she added,
“Still, never no mind that,” she drew herself back to the present, “What’s it to be Coco or Horlicks? I’ll be back in fifteen minutes with them,”

“Coco” came the disgruntled word from David.

“PLEASE” emphasised Tony for him.

“Please” mumbled David although hating being prompted by this impudent boy, even though he knew he was right.

He made as though to read his paper again but in reality he just stared, fuming at the photo of some celebrity he did not know.

“May I have coco also please?” asked Tony

“Right it is, two for coco and a couple of digestives, wont be long.” with that Maud bustled out of the ward.

David laid the paper on the chair next to his bed, drawing up his knees he held onto his toes through the thin blankets massaging them for a few minutes, then swinging his legs of the bed began to stand. A slight dizziness caught him unawares, he almost toppled, cursing under his breath as he did and grabbing the side of the armchair that sat next to his bed.

“Christ when did I become so unstable?” The dizziness passed he eased his aching back up into a straight position groaning as he did.
“Off to the loo,” he said to no one, then wondering why he had spoke out loud? He had slid his feet into his slippers, so doing he shuffled his way to the bathroom, holding the front of his pyjamas in a fist as though to ward of any questions about his attire.

Tony watched the old man from the corner of his eye shaking his head as the man turned his back heading for the toilet “Silly old fool, almost went crashing down, now at least that would have been entertaining for a few moments.” “No-doubt he’d blame the cleaners for polishing the floor too much,” Tony thought to
himself.

“Oh fuck, now the only highlight for today is to be coco and biscuits,” he was haranguing himself with negative ramblings in his head, when out of nowhere a positive thought entered,
“Maud she’s real nice, that’s how my mum ought to be.” This soon faded into negative thoughts,
“But she isn’t and that’s that.” He suddenly saw his mum in his minds eye, rushed into hospital after having stepped in front of the bus. Even had she survived she’d have been a cabbage, or so they said! 

To this day, no one knew how it had happened, was it momentary loss of attention or a moment of intention?

“I want to take my own life!” This flooded in on him, “I want the pain to stop, the world even to stop, people to stop talking to him, doctors to stop experimenting on him,” “Enough already enough, I’ve given up! Why wont they?”

A single warm tear ran down his face, he shamefully shoved it away with the palm of his hand, “Fuck, fuck, fuck it,” he cursed out loud to himself.

From the side came a voice, “Fuck what?” a gap then “ And I don’t feel there really is need for such language” continued David who had silently returned and was plumping himself down into the armchair.

“ And what the fuck would you know? I wasn’t even addressing you, so butt out old man!” 

David bristled up trying to raise his meagre body into something it was not. But he kept his silence. No one had ever spoken to him like this, certainly not at work in his old office.

It was neither here or there the fact, that very few people ever spoke to him at all, unless directly about work.

There he was at least respected, if not feared, he tried to kid himself.
Yet deep down he knew neither of these attitudes applied to him or took place, for he was merely tolerated; by most, while others actually abused him in a mocking scenario. Mostly behind his back, but then again, even that was not always done at a distance. He had lost count how many times he had to feign hard of hearing in order to save face.

But thankfully retirement had ended all that, the last embarrassment being the low turnout to wish him a long and happy retirement, “Three out of the whole bloody bunch turned up, no apologies given nor required.” he remembers with anger, through gritted teeth.
He is letting out a hiss like a dying snake, to no one, as no one was paying him any heed, least of all the only other person on the ward, his fellow bed ridden occupant.



“Here we are,” the words were heralded in by the sound of a tea trolley colliding with the doorpost, “Oops-a-daisy,” “ Right who wants hot chocolate and who wanted Horlicks?”

“Goodness woman we both wanted hot chocolate!” David said raising his voice, ending with a worn out sigh.

“Well just as blooming well, for that’s what I have made,” She added with a smile as she placed the mugs on both of their bedside tables, “Would you like one or two biscuits?” she asked,

“Two,” with a slightest of pauses David added, “Please,” as he tried to hide his displeasure at having been caught out by her ruse.

Tony offered Maud a wink as he took his biscuits saying, “Thank you.”

It was ten o-clock when the nurse completed her rounds pulling the curtain around she left Tony to do his toiletries finishing off with giving him the button to regulate his own pain killing dosage, as the doctor had already seen to this and by instructing Tony in the other ward.

Tony would see how much he could raise his pain threshold knowing that the inevitable pain would always win, even so he felt a little in charge of his own body with this manoeuvre, and that had meant a lot to him. 

Nurse Katherine then made sure David was fine for the night, refilling his water jug, as he had requested saying,
“Right you two I am off now, I’ll be back mid morning don’t go giving the night nurse any trouble or Santa’s not going to call on you both!”

Neither answered in words, only David gave a “huff” as to say “Bloody nonsense.”

Tony replied with a wince of pain as he had began loosing his battles of wills, and pressing his button.

The nurse left shaking her head in sorrow, for all the afflictions that filled the world, but mainly for that which filled her ward.


Tony lay staring at the ceiling in the half light of the night light, Christmas Eve, he was remembering how up until he was about seven, he had both dreaded and desired that night. When Santa called leaving all manor of gifts and surprises. It was a night of anticipation and longing, for both keeping awake to catch a glimpse of Santa and the need to sleep, to get the morning nearer all the quicker.

His older sister would teas him, about the fact that he would get nothing, as she had sent a letter telling santa all about him and how he was being nasty to her. 

He would not cry! He had buried his head under the blankets.
Repeating to himself “Don’t care, don’t care” until he fell asleep. Which is the same mantra he repeated now, as the pain relief kicked in, easing his body into numbness.

David was on his side spying, through partially closed eyelids, the movements of the ruffian next to him thinking, “Bloody hell he get his own drugs to send him into dream world and at whatever dosage he desires. I wish I could have something to take away my pain?”

David’s pain is in his head as well as his lungs, he wishes it were otherwise. Perhaps in his leg, then they could amputate that, giving him release. But not his head, amputate that and he would be in trouble, or maybe not!
At least it would solve all his problems?

The dislike that he has for others and himself would all be gone with an “Off with his head” command, where is the Queen of Hearts when you need her? Contemplated David.

Now to sleep, let sleep soften the act of living, that is providing the dreams do not occur. “Oh shit now I have thought of them they are bound to!” David grew angry with himself and the world as he drifted eventually to sleep.

Chapter 4

The time is four a.m. Occasional soft bleeping and mechanical whirring are all that invade the peace of the ward, apart that is, from the nurse’s station down the hall where there comes the odd snuffle from the nurse, as she tries to stem her runny nose and a slight rustle as she turns pages of her book, other than that all is most certainly quite.

David wonders if it is the quiet that wakes him or his dream of which he is pleased to have escaped.
There is no real visualised menace, that he can explain to others, more a dreaded feeling of impending doom that rises up through his whole body, sending waves of fear up his spine to his frontal lobes of wake-fullness. He knows he is able to observe his dreams while in the alpha R.E.M mode, where he has no control at all!

While as, at least once awake, he can raise his voice or manipulate others to drown out and take his mind from his dreams. That is unless it is four am in the morning when dark fills corners, shadows slide unbidden towards you, light, refuses to save you, only deepening the lost space that is out of reach.

Of course these are the first thought as you linger between both worlds, of awake and asleep. Once fully awake you can busy the mind with other follies or diversions to ignore these fears, for “they” feed on that fear, which is given substance by acknowledgment, “they” will embrace you in a cold shiver.

“Stop it stop it,” demands David of himself as he lifts up on his elbows, taking a swig of the tepid water from his glass, splashing some on his chest accidently. He replaces the glass and falls back on the pillow. Oh how his back aches.

“Damn these uncomfortable National Health beds, along with their bloody awful nurses and infectious diseases spread by lack of hygene.”

He lies still trying to capture if possible, undisturbed sleep, if it exists anywhere, that is?

He is suddenly aware of another noise close at hand, at first he is filled with dread until he reasons and understands it is coming from under the blankets of the boy next to him. It is a low sobbing, too wretched for David to witness, so he turns on his side to face the other-way thinking, “Fools, cowards, no shame.”


Tony awakes his cheeks are wet at first he does not understand why or even where he is, then as he turns a stab of pain in his stomach and a tugging on his arm, where the intravenous fluids enter his body, brings everything into clarity, too much clarity by far he believes.

The dreams, all though horrid, are after all only dreams! It is reality that is a shit, a no go area, a place to stay well away from. Yet it forces itself in on him placing him at the front of “This is how things are.” Still exhausted, he raises his bed electrically by pressing a button at the edge of his bed, so that he is on an incline.

Looking around he sees the line of the curled body in the bed next to him. He sees the tubes that are connected to a fluid stand and to his life. He takes in the other empty beds there is nothing else worth studying in them.
He turns his head to see through the window off to his side, snow is falling, drifting flakes, flowing past the window in the darkness, the drift is perpetual mesmerizing but it hurts him to twist in this position, so he turns back to facing his feet.

Tony knows exactly what the time it will be, but he still glances at his wrist watch, “Yup four am, well ten past but near enough,” he wonders, “Is this considered night or morning? Where does this hour categorise itself, as day or night? whichever its a lonely hour. A time apart it seems, "a time when death is known to call.” He knows his thoughts are disjointed and are always mostly morbid at this time, of the twenty-four that exists, ticking relentlessly away.

All else sleeps, at peace, but not of his world. “How strange sleep is” he thinks, “We need it even though it seems a waste, without it we would be fucked, not that he wasn’t fucked anyway, well and truly to put it mildly,”

It was this time out of the whole day, that it becomes more potent, more fearful, more real, more unreal, more surreal. At least to him it does.

“Oh shut up, sleep, sleep-away what remains of your life, you idiot you!”
Tony turns to ease his bones, lowering his bed flat again, he is next pressing the drug button, for even though he is not in severe pain, at that precise moment, he desires the numbness it brings to him, it is a welcome relief.

Chapter 5

They both hear the light tapping at the same time, it pushes un-bidden into their ears, arousing them from out of their slumber. They are both thinking it is each other, therefore try to ignore it. Thinking the same thoughts,
“What the bloody hell is he doing, this time of night if he don’t shut up soon I’ll bloody well give him what-for.”

A tinkling bell sound accompanies the tap taping and shuffling sound that is persisting. Yet still in their individual stubbornness they have refused to acknowledge the noise, thinking that both were trying to raise their attention.
But eventually it is too much. David’s mind is set to grinding, his hand was reaching out to the nurses call button but he was unable to find it in the semi dark, the same was happening to Tony the cord is not hanging where it normally hangs, within easy reach, so he cannot call for the nurse without sitting up.

Both men sit up, Tony by inclining his bed electrically David slightly on his elbows under his own steam, they turn to face each other.

“Do you bloody well mind you irritating old/young git,” the words were identical apart from the age reference, followed by.

“Its not me!” again in unison.

They stared at one another knowing it was not themselves therefore it had to be each other or the nurse, “but why?” They are thinking.

At that moment in the half-light, out of the corner of their eyes they both spot a movement at the end of Tony bed, they turn their heads and stare in astonishment. It is a pointed cap made of red felt, topped with a silver bell that is tinkling as the hat wobbles, the hat moves slowly along the end of the bed. When it gets to the space between the beds the wobbling is more understood.

For it sits on a small head that is wobbling or bobbing. This in turn is caused by a bobbing stunted body, on which the head is situated, which is staggering. The staggering is caused by two reasons, one the weight of a sack thrown over his shoulder, which is almost the same length as the dwarf himself and the other, a definite over indulgence of sherry.

The diminutive man makes it to the space between the beds then slides to the floor, curls up with the sack as a pillow and begins a rasp out a drunken snore. The two men look up at each other then down at the wee man, then at each other, then at the sleeping man. They both turn to their side and press their buzzers to attract the nurse, which they have now both found. But their calls go unanswered, they call out-loud.
“Nurse, nurse!”

 But still no one comes to their aid. The snoring man does not budge or wake but continues blissfully sleeping.

Neither David nor Tony are amused, only annoyed and frustrated. David slides out of bed holding his stomach as he shuffles to the ward door entrance. There is no one around, he calls again a number of times, but no one shows up.

Miffed and in pain he returns back to his bed. He peers over the side where Tony is still staring in disbelief at the sleeping figure. He curses under his breath then pulls back his blankets, up to his chin.

“I could be bloody well dying, useless national health, she’s of down the pub is my guess,” moaned David

Tony had laid back down, and was considering, that he had applied too much painkiller into his body, and that he was now tripping.

“He must be some sort of down and out, or escaped from a circus, maybe they have a mental ward here?” Tony spoke to the ceiling he really did not want to engage with David but he had to let his thoughts out. 

David also still unwilling to pass niceties also spoke but in the direction of the entrance.“Where is the nurse? We could be murdered in our beds by this, this, this undesirable.”

“Murder us" Tony splutters "He can barely reach the top of the bed how the hell would he do it?  Plus he’s too drunk.”

“Well you’re the youngest out of us you ought to do something not lay there rambling.” accused David

“Oh fine, so you don’t seem to have noticed I am dying and I am hooked up to this bloody contraption,” Tony shook his free standing hook-up, with all his intravenous fluids on it, he was so furious it almost toppled over.

David let out a long loud sigh of forced air, as he bristled with annoyance at the whole world and this corner of it in particular. With that they both sank into silence, in their heads now each cursing each other, for their bad luck.


“You should both be sleeping, how can a person do his job properly if you’re both awake?”
Came a quietly spoken, but deep voice, from below the beds,
“I’m only pretending to be asleep, so you will go to sleep, it normally works with children but “oh no,” not adult humans,” he carried on.

Both men lay stock still and deathly quite, they most certainly did not want to talk to a small drunk person, what ever he was going on about.

Quite followed for a few moments, then the voice piped up.

“And its no good pretending I have a built in sensor, as to if you are asleep or not, so there!”

Still the two men held their tongues.

David was beginning to feel uncomfortable but he did not want to get out of bed again and still the nurse would not answer the buzzer he was secretly pushing.

Tony was beginning to believe they had brought him into the lunatic ward, dying was one thing but dying insane was another. So they both remained quite breathing as low as possible, that way the little man would hopefully, just disappear.

They must have lain in this way for ages, both itching to look over the side of their beds to see that he did not exist any more.

Eventually, David made out to turn over in his sleep putting his body near the edge of the bed. He laid a while longer then opened his eye, it was face to face with a set of bright green eyes, hooded with the bushiest pair of eyebrows he had ever seen. It startled him so that he shot up to a sitting position making a sound like a strangled squirrel.

“Eeeeeeekkkk” followed by “What the hell are you playing at, go away!”

“See I told you I knew you weren’t asleep, can’t fool old Windel, Oh no, not me you can’t,” with that the man sat down again.

Tony had had enough he raised his bed saying.

“Would you two mind fucking off, I really do not need you now, all I want is some peace and decorum so I can die in peace and quite,” he stopped, then continued “So if you would be so kind as to take your banter elsewhere you would make me very happy!”

“Coo touchy sod,” was the answer back from Windel.

Tony lay back exasperated, letting out a long painful sigh and wishing in his head, "I wish that it was my last breath and that it was all over with."

“You ought not do that,” said Windel.

“Do what? Fucking curse? ask for quite? Well what, what do you mean?” asked Tony in a sarcastic voice.

“No cursing is fine, so is a request for peace, but never ever waste wishes that way,” replied Windel, leaving a pause then adding, “Wishes are like lives, they are far too precious to waste.”

Tony lay still he knew he had only thought that last part, or maybe he was saying things out loud now, Oh shit its al too confusing, too much morphine.

“Oh and while I am at it, stop insulting this fine hospital and the health system, as that’s me your insulting.” he aimed at David

David had had enough of being sidelined, so was pleased to be brought back into the conversation, especially one where he might belittle some one. “What are you yapping about, you are obviously a mental case, on the loose so why should you protect the National----,” Before he could finish, Windel broke in on David’s rant.

“Because humane, "I AM THE NATIONAL ELF SYSTEM!”

David just stared in frustration, in Windels direction, whose face was creased with mirth as he chuckled like mad at his own joke.

“You don’t know how long I have waited to crack that one, "phew", about sixty odd years or so I guess,” As he wheezed out another chuckle.

“National Elf tee he tee he blimey, I don’t know! Laugh I almost bought my own beer,” Windel drew out a large spotted hankie and wiped away the tears of laughter that were running down his cheeks,
“Guess I ought to send that one to the cracker division, wasted I am, wasted I tell you.”

He settled down letting his sniggering finish, then said.

“Well I recon there’ll be no sleep for you two until I’ve given out the presents, got yourselves proper excited and all you have.” He stood hands on hips looking from one to the other legs apart in a pose of I am in charge.

“Bloody pantomime that’s it, your from the bloody pantomime!” offered David, in almost delight, at having solved the riddle in front of him, or so he thought. 

“Oh no I’m not,” replied the Elf in a pissed off voice.
“Oh yes you are,” jumped in David.
“Oh no I’m not, this often happens so stop it now.” insisted Windel

“Oh yes you are,” with an after thought “Its behind you!” answered David in an uncharacteristic banter of almost fun.
He lay back wondering what had come over him? to behave in such a way. He burrowed down under his blankets, suddenly mortified by his outburst, that of something nearing humour with this little man.

Windel decided to ignore this last flurry of words! Refusing to look at David, but instead bent down and rooted around in his sack, his body almost completely disappearing into the folds of canvas.

“Where are they?” he mumbled into the depths of the sack. A rustling sound much like Christmas wrapping paper filled the quite, until a muffled voice exclaimed.
“Ah got-ya.” This erupted from deep in the sack where he had crawled further in, to get what he was after.

Wendel retrieved his body along with his head although it was minus his cap and bell, so he disappeared back inside, returning yet again, seconds later, to the curious world of the hospital-ward, this time wearing his hat and clasping two medium size parcels to his chest.

The word curious suited this night-time scene better than any other term, for its two only patients, who although not showing on the outside, were now incredibly curious on their inside, as to what this little man was up-to. 

Wendel looked at the labelling on each parcel then placed them at the side of each man, then picking them up and swapping them again.
David’s was about 30cm wide x 66cm long, Tony was the size of a large thick book.

“Right now sleep, Christmas morning will soon be on us.” He uttered and with that he plumped his generous backside on the floor, tilted to one side and fell asleep, for real this time, snoring as before in splendid repose.

Both David and Tony had been observing this out of the corner of their eyes, while now laying on their backs  again, still feigning indifference to his antics.

David moved his knee ever so slowly, so that it was just nudging the hard edge of the parcel that had been laid on his bed.

Tony in turn had slid his arm fully extended under the covers also coming up against the parcel that lay next to his body. Both men felt like giving a quick shove, to send their packages onto the floor. While deep inside they wanted to grab the parcel and rip the tinselled coloured paper off, to reveal what prize may lay inside!

Both however resisted temptation, both wishing for sleep or even another life in-fact, that would suit them both, or so they imagined.


Chapter 6

David awoke he was sitting up he did not recognise the room he tried to turn his head but could not he was looking at an old fireplace with an old gas fire that hissed like mad and was just about sending out some heat. He swivelled his eyes as that was all he was able to move to his right was a large, old fashioned, T.V. set, turned on but with no sound. He tried again to move his head but he could not make the muscles respond.

“OH shit what has happened to me, a stroke?” He imagined, he tried to call out in his panic for the nurse, but the only vocal sound was a grunt of a sort but with air escaping through a flattened metal tube, more animal than human. “Errrrkkk aaeerrrkk”

He swivelled his eyes, at a sound to his left.

A face, unrecognisable, swam into view as some one crouched in front of him. 

“Halooo dear, how are we today?” spoken by a woman he did not know, in a condescending tone of voice as one would talk to a child on occasions.
“I'm just Getting Your Tea ready, there’s a dear,” each word came out as though she were speaking to an imbecile, “You try and speak if you want. Why in all the ten years I’ve been seeing to you not a word and now this outburst!” She smiled patted his knee.

She stood up and moved out of view, David tried to turn his head to see where she was going, but still could not, he then thought. “What the hell she babbling about ten years she known me and no speech. What in gods name has happened to me? I was in hospital last night and now this smelly room.”

For he suddenly took in all the distasteful smell of the room, It was coated with pungent smell of tobacco smoke, pooh, urine and bleach. Along with this was a sour body odour, which that of the unwashed. “Who in heavens name is that?” he thought. Realising in disgust in the next moment, that it was he! 

David was becoming aware of the soreness of his rump he wanted to shift position but somehow his brain could not transmit his desires, to his muscles.

“Oh horror what has happened to me and when?” he questioned himself with out finding answers. The woman approached again from the side, David understood she was in nurses uniform, she would tell him what had happened and when, but again David for all his efforts only made the animal squeak, sort of sound, that hurt his throat.
The woman bent down she had a jug of something that neither, looked or smelt enticing. This did not matter much as she did not feed him via his mouth but instead down a tube with a funnel at his side. He felt a curious uncomfortable feeling in his stomach as the liquid entered his body.

“Right Do you want a shave? I’ll just get the mirror for you to look at yourself,”
She returned with a large two-foot square mirror and held it in front of David.


At first he thoughts were of joy as it was not him, but then it dawned on him, as he blinked with intention, for the only thing he could move at will were his eyes and their lids. He understood his mind was trapped in this devastated, smelly body.
Tears ran down his face as he recognised the facial features of an old friend from way back. A person who he had managed only to visit the once, as he could not return ever again. For to see him again would have been a no, no. He could not face the man or his disease, he was far too cowardly.

Now here he was somehow trapped looking out of the body of Jim Troy, looking at his reflection feeling his powerlessness, feeling his pain, his frustration. He had aged considerable this was not how David remembered his once old friend, last seen over some forty-five years ago or more. Then as his mind travelled back further at university they had been great pals, handsome, clever, full of promise and promising to keep in-touch. That ended the day after David’s visit to Jim three years after uni had finished and David found Jim in this almost vegetative state, “How cruel life was, how cruel,” David thought, “If their rolls had been reversed Jim would never have abandoned him like he had Jim. He had never wrote or phoned or attempted again to visit, a true coward.”

David heard a gurgling sound, he began struggling for breath. Fear even stronger than seeing himself in another body, it gripped him in desperation, for he felt his life was slipping away. The nurse put down the mirror pulled the gasping body forward then began slapping hard David or Jim on the back, as David passed out.


Chapter 7


Tony awoke it was hot, very hot, furnace hot, no breath of air, he thought he had died and was in hell, he was in fact in hell, just not dead. As his eyes adjusted to the bright light he took in the sight in front of him, he was looking into the dark shadows of a door to a mud and wooden hut. He knew he was standing yet he was only three foot of the ground the sun baked dry mud floor.

He looked down his eyes saw two black, dried skinned feet, attached to the end of two skinny and equally black and dirty legs, on-top of these protruded an enlarged tummy, in his mind he knew it was not enlarged by overeating, in fact it was the opposite, it was distended from lack of food and nutrition. He looked at his black arms with the pale blistered worn palms, of his hands that lay at the end of them, he brought them up close to his face.

“ What the fuck was happening, he had to stop the pain killers as he was hallucinating again,” Or so he thought.

Yet all of him, except his mind, knew this was real. The heat was real, the flies around his head were real, and the smell of cattle and waste products were real. Tony turned, taking in the wide African savannah and a small collection of huts.
Within their shadows he saw a number of people, they were mostly laying around listlessly out of the suns direct rays.
The occasional shriek of children, in voices he did not recognises yet knew somehow what they were screaming.

A weak voice floated out from the hut calling a name. “Jengo, Jengo, quick I am going, Jengo please!”

Tony or at least the body he was in, slowly entered the hut, it was dark, but still full of heat and flies. Tony made out a husk of a human, laid on a filthy straw mattress; it was what was left of a once proud woman, now dying of aids.
Tony or the boy’s body, he now inhabited, both knew this instinctively, one out of years of caring for his mother, the other because he had switched off the T.V. on numerous occasions during “Red Nose Day” when such pictures has invaded his home privacy, on his plasma thirty-five inch T.V. screen.

The body fell onto its knees taking the thin hand of his mother in his, rubbing it gently, he raised a tin of brown fluid pretending to be water to her lips, it barely moistened them. The boy looked into his mother’s eyes. They smiled through all the pain so lovingly at her son.

“Jengo you are in charge now, I know ever since,       ” the mother began to cough halting her voice, the coughing hacked at the body she lay back until it dispersed then carried on in a voice just above whisper.

“Ever since your father was murdered you have been the man of the house, but now as I pass away from the pain you must look to your brother and sister even more.” The words were drawn out in faltering syllables.

Tony understood them even though the language was not his, as though for some crazy reason he mind had mingled with the young boy. “I am so sorry to give you this burden my lovely child.” A soft breath of air passed from her lips she was gone, her spirit not of this earth any more.

Jengo cried out, as did Tony. “No, no, no, mother no!” Tony felt the boys body fall onto his dead mother’s body hugging, hugging.

No tears ran physically on the boy’s cheeks, for the boy had no moisture to spare, but inside he was crying with despair and anger. After a short while Tony felt the boy stand, he took up an empty plastic container that was as big as him-self almost, he called to his brother who was somewhere outside.

“Kgosi find your sister bring her here sit in the doorway, I must go to fetch water,” Jengo walked six paces then turned to his brother Tony saw some one even skinnier than the body he inhabited, a body wracked with sores.

“Oh Kgosi I have sorrow to pass onto you, our mother is dead, she has gone on her final journey, look after our sister, I shall be but a few hours,” he turned to leave but stopped looking back at his brother he said “I will be as quick as I can I shall have to let Auntie know, as well as getting water.”
Jengo turned walking off into the blazing sun baked savannah.

Everything Tony was seeing began to swim the horizon hovered, floated, a woman coming towards him turned on her side, the ground came to meet his face, it all went dark the searing light went out as he collapsed.

Chapter 8

David knew he was awake but did not want to open his eyes yet, trapped inside with him behind his eyelids were pictures also which David did not want to see, so the lesser of evils was to open them. He was in the hospital ward.

“Oh thank heavens, what a horrible nightmare.” He lamented to himself none of his others had ever been so bad, so real. This one had not been a mixture of confusing images it was succinct, clear and like well like actually being there. “Where the hell did that memory come from? Why now, I’ve never thought about Jim for decades or have I?” He questioned himself, as he lay still staring at the ceiling, trying to ward of the fearful feelings and shame.


Tony awoke in a hot sweat feeling the blankets on him, the familiar sounds and smells flooded in “How can a dream seem so real,” Even while, on even recreational stronger drugs he had never hallucinated so badly and so real like that one he had just had, he raised his hand to his face his cheeks were wet again with tears he wiped them, along with his nose, on the sleeve-cuff of his pyjamas.


David could not shake off the feeling of loss, desperation and the powerlessness that he had felt trapped in the body of his friend. Friend how did he dare call him friend, he David, had been no friend. A friend stands by one, a friend keeps in touch, and a friend gives a hand or an ear when he can.

David had done none, not one of these, in his fear he had never returned or enquired he just allowed Jim to slip from his awareness, his memory, his thoughts.
To David Jim did not exist anymore until now. Now that he had had that dream or what ever it was. What to do now? David vowed to himself that at least there was going to be one change in his life.

He would look up Jim if he were in-fact still living that is, and then what? Well he did not know, he would wait until that moment then act on the situation, that’s the best he could promise himself for now. This was only truthful, if nothing else.


Tony could not shake off the feeling of desperation, of loss, of thirst. He felt even more powerless than he had since learning of his own fate and the cancer. He understood the plight of another human being, even if the boy was imagined or a delusion, although Tony felt far too dreadfully that “Jengo” was real.
But none of that mattered, what really mattered was what Tony had in his power to do some thing to help the likes of Jengo, even if it was only a little, a little for one person was a lot for another, it was about degrees and perspectives.

Tony wanted to and would change some ones life! a thought he had never had before in his life. It was for no other reason than he could, so he would, or so he told himself.
He lay there, almost smiling, the pictures he had seen did not warrant a smile, yet he remembered the Mothers eyes. They had lit up with love before she passed away. He would smile because for now he still lived and he had a new mission before his own death. This suddenly brought a pang of sadness another feeling he had never felt so strongly before.

“ Who’s eyes would I gaze into in my last moments,” he thought, “There is no one.” Then with out force his sister’s face floated into view, drawn out of his memory, and he knew it was time to make a peace between them.

Chapter 9

Both men lay waiting for day-brake or the clink of cups on the tea trolley. They wanted the day to begin. It had been a long time since they had both felt this way. Their fearful feelings were subsiding; plans were forming in their heads that needed to take their places.

David moved his leg he felt the edge of the cardboard box, he heard the rustle of wrapping paper he nudged the box nearer to his hand, then glanced over at Tony beds at the similar sound of wrapping paper being touched. Tony had gathered his parcel up to his chest and was gazing at the nametag.

David lifted himself slightly to peer over his bed rail the sleeping dwarf had gone, sack, bell and all. David laid back holding the parcel up between his fingers he felt like a child again. He actually felt wonder and excitement, “Goodness how long had it been since these feelings last surged through his body?” he did not want to guess, only to revel in the moment.

Tony had already noted the absence of the little man with his funny hat and bell. Tony ‘s mind flickered back to the little children with no presents. He felt the only presents they desired were, some quality to their lives, clean water and security, regular food, all the things he just so took for granted in his every-day life. He knew that feelings of grief and guilt from him would solve nothing, only action in the future could solve problems.

But for now he had a gift that needed opening, a gift with his name on its label. He raised his bed electronically to a sitting angle, resting his hands on the smooth wrapping paper his fingers toying with the sealed paper flaps of the ends. 

They turned to face each other across the space between their beds; the soft nightlight gave little illumination, yet they could each make out the change of countenance on the others face. These were not the same angry or disinterested faces they had shown the world before today, they were animated with knowledge understanding and wonder.

They also wondered what each had in their parcel, without words they nodded an agreement, today was to be different, than any before. With that they turned their attention back to their gifts and began peeling off the sticky tape but soon they were ripping of the sheets of wrapping paper impatient to see what lay inside.

Dave could not believe his eyes it was “Escalado” a horse racing game played on a stretched base of material, one player winds around and around franticly a handle that is attached to drive wheel, this intern vibrate the base, causing the five horses to move along toward the winning post.
Children or adults will bet on a horse with sweet or pennies or just fun. David remembered how as a child he so wanted this toy but it was his older brother had got it as a Father Christmas gift. David almost felt the pangs of jealousy all over again but subsided as quickly as they appeared, for he realised now, not only was that wrong and futile but that if one waits long enough then days like today will come around.

Tony tore the paper aside he sat just gazing at the toy in his hands, it was a 1991 Game Boy the original type and the one he missed out on, but which his older sister succeeded in getting and not him. He often received hand me downs or lesser quality toys or so he felt and his plight was directly due to his sister who knew how to gain attention and sympathy of both adults and other children.

But now he understood she was just being her, as he was being him, there was no malice towards him. He had changed, as all people can, the inspiration just has to be right as does the right place and timing. Today or last night was the time, the place may have been here or a thousand mile away, that did not matter so much. All he knew was that a change had happened.


Chapter 10


Sister came walking down the corridor all she could hear was “Whoops" of eager joy and laughter.

“What in heavens name is going on?” she wondered thinking how children had been let onto the ward or some one had administered laughing gas to her two patients.

But there they were just the two of them, cheering on some toy hoses that were bouncing along on some sort of stretched out board on a hospital trolley, David was sat on the edge of his bed facing Tony, franticly turning a handle while encouraging his horse along. Tony was sat as far up as he was able, shouting his horse to overtake and beat the so and so of a cheat.

A loud groan went up from both of them as a horse that neither had backed, passed the finishing post first, David stopped turning the handle flopping onto his bed.

“Ah enough of this or I will have a heart attack,” he said out loud from his reclined position. 

“You have to have a heart first.” Interrupted Tony

The nurse thought “oh no here come trouble,”

But David wheezed with laughter saying. “Your right, so right.”

“What is going on with you two has some one slipped you drink or drugs, and I mean elicit one’s not national health ones?”

At this David began to rock with laughter, as did Tony, then through his laughter he managed to croak out “National Elf National elf.” “he tee he tee he ho ho.”

Tony waved him away “Stop, stop, it hurts when I laugh, please stop, no, no don’t I haven’t felt so good for ages.”

The nurse gave up and walked away smiling to her self thinking “I do not know what has happened to those two but what ever it was I wouldn’t mind some of it!”

The last words she heard as she left the ward to start her duties properly were. 

“A kite, a kite Oh my now I get it, a kite” followed by a large sounding raspberry, at least she hoped it was, but what ever it was it increased the size of her grin from ear to ear.

David climbed back into bed his face still lit up in a smile, which he suddenly lost as he turned towards Tony saying “I am sorry, so very sorry.” 

Tony shrugged his shoulders.

“Shit happens, and some times it happens for longer to some than others. Up to now I have been so lucky without even knowing it,” he sighed “At least I now realise it and have still a little time to appreciate it, and maybe leave some sort of descent mark on the world.” 

“Yeah, I know what you mean, I don’t know why we both had our cathartic moment or who or what induced it, for that matter, or where these gifts really came from, all I know is we did.” He stopped a short moment adding. “And apart from us no one will believe or understand what happened at our four in the morning!”

Turning to his side he gazed at the falling snow outside the window, then continued with “You know I think I have lost the fear of that hour in time, its only another hour in the day, a day so full of all and many possibilities.”

They both now sat in silence Tony playing with his Game Boy, David holding one of the plastic horses and stroking it between his fingers. 

Their peace was broken, the clatter of cups and squeak of a trolley entered the ward along with a voice, a voice of good cheer that rang out with.

“Morning darlings, Christmas breakfast is up.”  
  

                                            The End

If you have even half enjoyed this then look out for more. In the meantime if you have not already seen my Thames Path walk diary, then please check it out.

Wishing everyone a Very Happy Christmas and a healthy, fun, New Year, love and regards M. J. London